yen had a final talk with angus today, and he said he doesn't want to try anymore, that he's been too hurt and doesn't want to deal with the issues anymore.
i haven't told u (or anyone) before...about what happened during the period of time when rizal and i broke up. looking back, i realised i dealt with it on my own, i didn't open up to anyone and most of the time i was just moping around at home. he broke off with me in dec, and that had to be the most miserable xmas and ny i have (and will ever) had. and then feb came and i went to perth to look for him, rem? u and lijun came to send me off on my first flight. i was so scared and excited. i naively thought that once we had a chance to talk things through, things would be back to normal. but i didnt realise his mind was set. i was there for 8 days, and we were together for the 8 days. but no matter how i tried to ask and beg him back, he wouldn't. that had to be the lowest point i ever got to. i never thought i would behave like that, but i did. on my flight back to singapore, i was totally devasted. i think i spent a very painful one year like that..just not strong enough to walk away from him.
sometimes, i would wonder if i would have suffered less if i had been honest with you, but i think deep in my heart, i was really afraid u would judge me, and be afraid to reprimand me for being so stupid. but i don't regret the things i do or say, and if anything, this has made me a much stronger and open person.
i'm just glad this is all over. i miss being in love, and feeling the butterflies in my stomach. but at the same time, i hate to let my moods be swung by another person.
haha, women.
anyway did xl tell u? we are going to participate in some netball competition tis sun! contiki beach netball. tell u more next time. must sleep now, cos going to wake up at 5am tmr for fieldwork. night dear!
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