to laugh or not?

my dear - we've gone thru alot together. have to admit that in the earlier years of this friendship i will still be concerned of u judging me or watso eva. but definitely no more for now. well i won't blame u for thinking tat way - afraid tat i will scold u for being silly or wateva cos u know how i always deal with relationships. i have been thru some silly moments (which i oso din share with u - never mind abt that) n i know that there are some things that we just need to do to prove a point to ourselves - no matter how silly it may appear to be for others. i'm sure that they may come a time in the future that we will do such again - for me, i hope i will do so. cos by then, i'm sure i 've found this HIM that i will be so crazy in love with that. cos to think abt it, i haven experienced any sort of crazy blasting love in my 27 yearS!! there isn't a single name that pops out on my mind for 'my greatest love to date'. Wat a failure !!

anyway, just to share something with u - i duno if i should laugh or be angry. here goes

we were at volar last night. left at abt 2am with this french guy greg (kenneth's housemate). at the cloakroom, he realise he had to take ken's coat cos they got it mixed up. then he realise he din have the key! n worst, ken's phone is with him too ! then i told him that the best i can offer is my living room with a shelter. he said neh mind, dun wana bother me. ok dropped him off n i went home. i tried calling him on ken's phone, he never pick up so i tot, good he's home. then after i got home, phone rang - kenneth. so i guessed, poor boy , must be kena locked out. he asked if living room is still available. ok, come on up. so he realie made himself at home - then

he ask, "are we gona watch dvd”

“here are all my dvds, you go ahead, I need to sleep”

“u gona let me sleep alone here in the living room”

“yeah, here’s the lights if u may need it”

Then I went back my room to sleep.

Less than 10min, he knocked on my door, saying that he managed to find somewhere else to bunk. So bye, off he goes.

To me, it was funny. But maybe I should feel offended?? Or was I just too naïve n nice?!?! Haa… I was innocently thinking that he would be a poor boy if he had to sleep along the corridor!!! N wasn’t I obvious enough from the beginning thinking that all I’m offering is the LIVING ROOM WITH NO SPECIAL SERVICE. WHAT A MAN. Or maybe he’s thinking – wat the Fuck, wat is this gal thinking of – bringing a man home n no action?! Oh man. Am I giving pple that kind of impression ?!

N honestly, I actually have a good impression of him as a friend – obviously nothing more as a friend la, else I will offer my bed! Haaaaa. Or maybe if its Kenneth it may also have been different. Oh did I tell u !? I realized that K also had fling with Ailing ! wah cow eh ! diang. Eversince I knew that, I had been keeping a distance from him.

I am realie lazy nowadays – even lazy to get engaged with conversations. Well, guess I’m still getting used to meeting more new pple & hopefully eventually friends

all about lost love

yen had a final talk with angus today, and he said he doesn't want to try anymore, that he's been too hurt and doesn't want to deal with the issues anymore.

i haven't told u (or anyone) before...about what happened during the period of time when rizal and i broke up. looking back, i realised i dealt with it on my own, i didn't open up to anyone and most of the time i was just moping around at home. he broke off with me in dec, and that had to be the most miserable xmas and ny i have (and will ever) had. and then feb came and i went to perth to look for him, rem? u and lijun came to send me off on my first flight. i was so scared and excited. i naively thought that once we had a chance to talk things through, things would be back to normal. but i didnt realise his mind was set. i was there for 8 days, and we were together for the 8 days. but no matter how i tried to ask and beg him back, he wouldn't. that had to be the lowest point i ever got to. i never thought i would behave like that, but i did. on my flight back to singapore, i was totally devasted. i think i spent a very painful one year like that..just not strong enough to walk away from him.

sometimes, i would wonder if i would have suffered less if i had been honest with you, but i think deep in my heart, i was really afraid u would judge me, and be afraid to reprimand me for being so stupid. but i don't regret the things i do or say, and if anything, this has made me a much stronger and open person.

i'm just glad this is all over. i miss being in love, and feeling the butterflies in my stomach. but at the same time, i hate to let my moods be swung by another person.

haha, women.

anyway did xl tell u? we are going to participate in some netball competition tis sun! contiki beach netball. tell u more next time. must sleep now, cos going to wake up at 5am tmr for fieldwork. night dear!

Missing the bestie too !

u spoke my mind, so i gona adapt from yours...


"as much as i wouldn't pass up on the chance for an overseas stint, sometimes, i just think it takes so much courage to leave your family and friends behind.



even in shanghai surrounded by some new friends whom i go along with for late night drinkings, i miss the best friend so much. we text each other very regularly and share a common blog where we pour our late night laments and greviances to. no matter what, nothing beats having her around to go for museum visits and late night suppers with. especially miss the comfortable silence with each other"



have been catching up with blogs here & there (trying to).
just reached home actualie, for the last 1hr i was sitting there doing nothing but just wait for designers to finish up so i had time for blogs.
it's getting more difficult for me to keep my focus.
i am not reading well - sorry, the chinese novel, i'm less than 2 chapters :s
i end up reading 1 word skipping 3
worst when it come to writing - there's alot in my mind but i cant keep up to it in writing fast enough. my tots jumped too much

see, suddenly i am lost for words.

was out at muse again last night. most of the peeps left at abt 2plus. i refused to. cos i was in denial that i have to work fully over the weekend. i stayed on till 4plus, with shan & a smaller group. i was smoking n drinking away, occassioanl dancing. while she was busy taking care of another drunkard friend.

in muse, i miss the little chit chats we do during chiong. totally random.
here, i can only enjoy the music as much as possible. else its back to smoke n drink.
i am realie smoking too much nowadays! cos i'm perpetually drinking.
i do see familiar faces around, but i cant even bother to make small talks.
why huh
i've talking lesser these few days
n when it come to conversations, i prefer to be asking questions to find out more on others. when it comes to me, i choose to shun n not talk abt my life.
no worries, i am not upset or wat.
but there isn't anything that exciting to talk abt at all here actualie. other than the fact that i'm still considered a newbie here.

i'm also puzzled by my behaviour. slacking in at home over dvd it still my ultimate choice.. haa

lena & family is in town already. but i still cant find time to meet them ! TOMORROW !!

n tomorrow i'll have to start at 11am again.............. can't wait for the preso to be over on monday.

oh yeah, weizhi, wenbin, edric, junteng are in town - for yuxiongs wedding. oh my, i forgot he's here!

supposed to catch them just now - but too bad i ended just too late.

tiredz.

going to miss rockclimbing tomorrow.

oh yeah, did i mention. i so envious of carrie's bods!! wow !

i must find a good reason to do it do it do it... train some abs or at least loose my love handles!
so maybe i need to have more pple telling me that I"M FAT!!
my face is always the deception - pple always say, eh u slimmed down. my response is always, ya only on my face!

CONGRATULATIONS for conquering KK ! just knew u can. the feeling up there must be. WHOAH!
just like when i was at great wall.
"nothing beats this view" - n i do feel this gush (goose pimples actuallie) and felt soooo fortunate to be alive!

miss you my dear

it's 5am now, we are going to see dr ong today again. wai's skin hasnt improved much so she's feeling kind of sad. hopefully it wil get better la.

going to cut my hair later! abit shorter than usual. and going to ur place later to get stuff.

ok ciao!

hello my dear. so pleased to see my bloglines announce that there's a new entry on our blog!

i have watched the reader already. i'm back to intense movie marathon again. it usually happens at the beginning of the year when it's oscars time which translates to many great movies! for the past 2 months, i have watched:
1. red cliff 2
2. ip man
3. rachel getting married
4. the reader
5. changeling
6. ponyo
7. elegy
8. curious case of benjamin button
9. slumdog millionaire
10. milk

i spent my v-day in a nice and simple way. lunch was with my sis and bro-in-law at pan pac's hai tien lo. i won some vouchers at the company's party so treated them to lunch there. then went to charissa's place for a while before jap class. dinner and movie with wun and eric (on wed, they asked me to join them, i didn't ask to!! cos according to them, everyday is v-day for them haha). they are really a great couple, i've been the lamp post for so long but they don't seem to mind. they just came back from their hokkiado honeymoon. wun said she might join us for japan end of the year IF 1) she has money 2) she doesn't go to UK for her sis-in-law's grad 3) she's not pregnant. HAHA.

i get what u mean about your family. i feel the same way too about my big brother. sometimes, i just don't understand why he's so irresponsible and doesn't take care of his family. but as ppl always say, we cannot choose our family so what we can do is really show our concern for the family and hope they will come to realise as well.

how did u manage to read my blog if sh has blocked it?

i finally got my ipod nano and nike+ kit. going to try it out tomorrow! hope to put in at least a 14km run! ganbatte ne!
as with all things, human beings are creature of habits. as much as im exercising now, once i slip back into non-activity, it will just go on and before i know it, i would have not exercised for a few months. but come to think of it. it's so gross. all the food and alcohol in our bodies don't get purged.
i'm trying to start swimming again. but i can no longer wake up early in the morning :( must do it. u should find a heated pool or something u can go to. and get friends to join u in exercise, always always help.

can't wait to go to kk. wow, there's an amazing number of things to do there. alot of nature places, beaches, orang utan sancturies, rafting and such. we really haven't travelled much together, have we? just tioman, dayang, krabi and bali. hahaha all beaches! we haven't gone on adventure trips, crazy shopping trips, road trips.

ok it's 4am now. time to sleep.....sweet dreams

read your LJ blog

read your blog, and totally forgot that LJ is barred in SH ! so i won't have access to your locked posts neither can i make comments from there.
either way, this is our channel ya :)

finally had a longer night sleep last night. Had dinner with Elis @ this mini-comfy restaurant Des Lys, it was filled with many portrait pics of human faces. Looking into these portraits actually put me in deep thoughts - *wonder* Looking at the smiles on the faces, make me wonder when was my last smile. oh please dun think that i'm suffering here, i'm ok, seriously.

just that i have not been having really engaging conversations since i've been here. engrossed and serious talks take place only when i'm at work, dealing with either the ang mohs or SG clients. with my colleagues, it was often a struggle speaking to - other than the technical terms which i am trying to catch up with. even doing a pep talk is not easy - especially when i can't translate some usual jargons. the attitudes of the people here are really different - taking things from granted, and when challenged, their first reaction is to think of who they can point the arrow to.

oh well.

conversations with the group? superficial. its not all bimbo talk la, there are indeed some intense and deep conversations. but somehow, i still prefer to keep the listening ear and rest my lips. when i told Neh about it, she literally screamed over msn, "U mean u can be quiet?!" haha
well u know me, other than those that i have a strong opinion or thoughts about - i will just answer with a 'yeah', 'agree' ...

after dinner was supposed to be BLING (club) - but since we din manage to get the cab, we decided to pop in to Constellation Bar 1 for drinks. Have always liked constellation since my 1st time to bar 2. Constellation 1 was a first for me last night - it was mini, cosy though. and this is one place which i will want to have a sit by the bar. watching the bartenders do the mix is simply a joy. mind you, not that the bartenders are cute. but they are the kind that realie take bartending seriously man! no flaring or any fuzzy-wuzzy. their movements were smart & neat. each person has its role - not all will do the drink mix, there will always be this 1 guy, diligently cleaning the wine glasses etc. oh did i mention that it's owned by a shanghainese trained in japan? Japan - that's why the very systematic style.

elis shared about her last relationship. it has been 5 mths since she last visited C1. her last visit was on her own, after she broke up :( so we were each reminded of our last relation/crush etc. then i realise - gosh it has already been more than a year since PC !?!? faint
elis is machiam a da-jie. 'tell me your type, i'm sure gona find u a man' - then i shared about my non-criteria (remember?!) oh well.

then it was finally BLING. met this guy - what a metrosexual. 39 yr old, very very well kept. NOT GAY ! all talks about how particular he is about his choice of toiletries, how he maintain his wardrobe, his consistent work out regime.. oh man, i was kinda inspired by him maintaining his sporting lifestyle.

i so missed the school days - SPORTS was a part of life. it was then that i was at least still disciplined to roll myself out of bed either for a swim or something. & now - my god, i will just complain about my flabby fats and yet is doing nothing about it !! i so deserve it right :(

anyways, i ended the night early while the rest continued with SIN & MUSE. back home, i continued with my new knitting project - purple/white scarf. oh yes, caught this new DVD - The Reader. Kate Winslet. i had to watch it twice to understand the story. but it's good. quite abit of rated scenes though. haha. go check it out.

...

i am so missing the SUN in SG. weather is turning for the better here, av min. of 13deg. but the nights are still chilly man.

oh yes, was talking about you with shan the other day. was reminding her that she needs to intro more new guys to you ! her question was, 'but was is her type?'

'sporty & humorous' - i hope i'm right hor.

she mentioned 'intense' to describe you - cos you are not the kind that can just talk (not the noeleen/yanling kind). that's true - nothing wrong with that right?
just that it will make your scope of choice narrower. i replied saying that he that guy is interesting enough, it certainly will keep her rambling !

i guess its the same for me. i miss those conversations with my very close guy friends - cos of the many things we went through together in school, i never had difficulty catching up with wat they are sharing about. but too bad they are all attached now - u know, seldom we will have that much time for chats liao lo ;p

my bro sms me the other day, kinda shocking to receive his msg. but then, disappointed when i realise that he was asking me to help solve his cashflow problem. hai.

then the other day we managed to have a proper chat on msn for the longest time (since last oct!) apparently he broke up with his gf, cos she decided to go back to her old line - KTV gal. simply becos she realie cannot cope with a day job + part-time studies. money no enough.
though he said that he don't agree with her decision. he is also unable to stop her so they decided to part. i thought it was that easy - but he actually wanted to maintain a 'friend' relation with her. that's how he put it - in actual fact, he's keeping her more as a sex buddy. n he said it was mutually agreed.
well, i can't understand him for this. i just felt that he's not over her as yet, obviously he says no. but even if he's trying to meet his own 'demands', he can certainly do so in other ways, why her? 纠缠不清 - which i hate.

he told dad abt the break-up and also told dad abt her background. n worst, he was silly enough to bring her home on 初三. his reason? he sprained his ankle, she sent him home. so might as well stay over for the night. is he stupid or wat. doesn't he understand his dad. this drove dad crazy, they had a big fight the next day, luckily not in front of my mum.
wat's most disheartening of all is that bro can't stop blaming my dad. he is pissed for my dad not being understanding and for judging her. MY GOD! he went on rambling and even passed nasty remarks abt dad's religion - that he is not practicing what he preach.
ARGH - i was speechless. n realie can't be bothered to try to explain to him anymore. this is so painful you know, i just thought, after all these years, with so much that has happened - why has he not grown up and starting seeing things from other perspective. he's perpetually living in the world of his own, with his own standards leaving no room to accept/adapt to other views.

he msn me again yesterday - telling me that his buddy is asking him to help with $$. then he turned around to ask if i can help! wat is this man...... but u know wat, i can't help but doubt him. i'm wondering if he's finding other excuses to borrow more money from him.
in any case, i decided to ignore him for this.

please don't be overly worried for this. i will be fine.
i realised - much as i may appear to be strong i am certainly hopeless when it comes to handling these family matters. vulnerable.

alritey - let me hit back to 'work', starting my mini project to decorate my wall. i collected some left overs from the event set-up, many stickers decals of flowers & butterflies... so i'm patiently cutting them out and hopefully gona create a nice wall of my own :)

happy valentine's day - love you much, miss you much !

ha - hooked on tailor made clothes!

hey... i got my 1st tailored made coat already :) aiya, haven take photo yet... then i went on to do another pair of pants (till knee level)... collected today... nice! so did another one... and i'm also doing another dress! see pic on left! nice nice ? ha... the seamstress say it suits me cos' have the ribbon on the center band - can help to hide some fats! oh....... it beta turn out nice ! RMB460 !! :s but then again the pants is cheaper, only RMB130 ! soon i should start to make some skirts.....

just came back from ben' s place (with shan n her gang of friends) .. supposed to be potluck but i just knew yesterday so end up only buying kiwis..... n ben can realie cook !

i must go home n make daddy share all his recipes !!! haa

oh ya, shan was telling me that the water here can't be drank even after boiling it! sure anot ??? i've been doing that .... or maybe i should start to buy some distilled h20 & mix abit ?

TV is now showing 十兄弟。。。 哈哈... n my silly dvd is still spoilt... no color, only black n white!

ok gona watch tv then sleeps liao.... tomolo i report 7am at pudong :s actually wana go at 9am for the later batch... but think beta place safe, go earlier then at least i can have a peace of mind..

alritey, goods nites!

can't wait for my home trip ....... wat do u wana from shanghai ?!?!! (other than me or men!?!)