to laugh or not?

my dear - we've gone thru alot together. have to admit that in the earlier years of this friendship i will still be concerned of u judging me or watso eva. but definitely no more for now. well i won't blame u for thinking tat way - afraid tat i will scold u for being silly or wateva cos u know how i always deal with relationships. i have been thru some silly moments (which i oso din share with u - never mind abt that) n i know that there are some things that we just need to do to prove a point to ourselves - no matter how silly it may appear to be for others. i'm sure that they may come a time in the future that we will do such again - for me, i hope i will do so. cos by then, i'm sure i 've found this HIM that i will be so crazy in love with that. cos to think abt it, i haven experienced any sort of crazy blasting love in my 27 yearS!! there isn't a single name that pops out on my mind for 'my greatest love to date'. Wat a failure !!

anyway, just to share something with u - i duno if i should laugh or be angry. here goes

we were at volar last night. left at abt 2am with this french guy greg (kenneth's housemate). at the cloakroom, he realise he had to take ken's coat cos they got it mixed up. then he realise he din have the key! n worst, ken's phone is with him too ! then i told him that the best i can offer is my living room with a shelter. he said neh mind, dun wana bother me. ok dropped him off n i went home. i tried calling him on ken's phone, he never pick up so i tot, good he's home. then after i got home, phone rang - kenneth. so i guessed, poor boy , must be kena locked out. he asked if living room is still available. ok, come on up. so he realie made himself at home - then

he ask, "are we gona watch dvd”

“here are all my dvds, you go ahead, I need to sleep”

“u gona let me sleep alone here in the living room”

“yeah, here’s the lights if u may need it”

Then I went back my room to sleep.

Less than 10min, he knocked on my door, saying that he managed to find somewhere else to bunk. So bye, off he goes.

To me, it was funny. But maybe I should feel offended?? Or was I just too naïve n nice?!?! Haa… I was innocently thinking that he would be a poor boy if he had to sleep along the corridor!!! N wasn’t I obvious enough from the beginning thinking that all I’m offering is the LIVING ROOM WITH NO SPECIAL SERVICE. WHAT A MAN. Or maybe he’s thinking – wat the Fuck, wat is this gal thinking of – bringing a man home n no action?! Oh man. Am I giving pple that kind of impression ?!

N honestly, I actually have a good impression of him as a friend – obviously nothing more as a friend la, else I will offer my bed! Haaaaa. Or maybe if its Kenneth it may also have been different. Oh did I tell u !? I realized that K also had fling with Ailing ! wah cow eh ! diang. Eversince I knew that, I had been keeping a distance from him.

I am realie lazy nowadays – even lazy to get engaged with conversations. Well, guess I’m still getting used to meeting more new pple & hopefully eventually friends

all about lost love

yen had a final talk with angus today, and he said he doesn't want to try anymore, that he's been too hurt and doesn't want to deal with the issues anymore.

i haven't told u (or anyone) before...about what happened during the period of time when rizal and i broke up. looking back, i realised i dealt with it on my own, i didn't open up to anyone and most of the time i was just moping around at home. he broke off with me in dec, and that had to be the most miserable xmas and ny i have (and will ever) had. and then feb came and i went to perth to look for him, rem? u and lijun came to send me off on my first flight. i was so scared and excited. i naively thought that once we had a chance to talk things through, things would be back to normal. but i didnt realise his mind was set. i was there for 8 days, and we were together for the 8 days. but no matter how i tried to ask and beg him back, he wouldn't. that had to be the lowest point i ever got to. i never thought i would behave like that, but i did. on my flight back to singapore, i was totally devasted. i think i spent a very painful one year like that..just not strong enough to walk away from him.

sometimes, i would wonder if i would have suffered less if i had been honest with you, but i think deep in my heart, i was really afraid u would judge me, and be afraid to reprimand me for being so stupid. but i don't regret the things i do or say, and if anything, this has made me a much stronger and open person.

i'm just glad this is all over. i miss being in love, and feeling the butterflies in my stomach. but at the same time, i hate to let my moods be swung by another person.

haha, women.

anyway did xl tell u? we are going to participate in some netball competition tis sun! contiki beach netball. tell u more next time. must sleep now, cos going to wake up at 5am tmr for fieldwork. night dear!

Missing the bestie too !

u spoke my mind, so i gona adapt from yours...


"as much as i wouldn't pass up on the chance for an overseas stint, sometimes, i just think it takes so much courage to leave your family and friends behind.



even in shanghai surrounded by some new friends whom i go along with for late night drinkings, i miss the best friend so much. we text each other very regularly and share a common blog where we pour our late night laments and greviances to. no matter what, nothing beats having her around to go for museum visits and late night suppers with. especially miss the comfortable silence with each other"



have been catching up with blogs here & there (trying to).
just reached home actualie, for the last 1hr i was sitting there doing nothing but just wait for designers to finish up so i had time for blogs.
it's getting more difficult for me to keep my focus.
i am not reading well - sorry, the chinese novel, i'm less than 2 chapters :s
i end up reading 1 word skipping 3
worst when it come to writing - there's alot in my mind but i cant keep up to it in writing fast enough. my tots jumped too much

see, suddenly i am lost for words.

was out at muse again last night. most of the peeps left at abt 2plus. i refused to. cos i was in denial that i have to work fully over the weekend. i stayed on till 4plus, with shan & a smaller group. i was smoking n drinking away, occassioanl dancing. while she was busy taking care of another drunkard friend.

in muse, i miss the little chit chats we do during chiong. totally random.
here, i can only enjoy the music as much as possible. else its back to smoke n drink.
i am realie smoking too much nowadays! cos i'm perpetually drinking.
i do see familiar faces around, but i cant even bother to make small talks.
why huh
i've talking lesser these few days
n when it come to conversations, i prefer to be asking questions to find out more on others. when it comes to me, i choose to shun n not talk abt my life.
no worries, i am not upset or wat.
but there isn't anything that exciting to talk abt at all here actualie. other than the fact that i'm still considered a newbie here.

i'm also puzzled by my behaviour. slacking in at home over dvd it still my ultimate choice.. haa

lena & family is in town already. but i still cant find time to meet them ! TOMORROW !!

n tomorrow i'll have to start at 11am again.............. can't wait for the preso to be over on monday.

oh yeah, weizhi, wenbin, edric, junteng are in town - for yuxiongs wedding. oh my, i forgot he's here!

supposed to catch them just now - but too bad i ended just too late.

tiredz.

going to miss rockclimbing tomorrow.

oh yeah, did i mention. i so envious of carrie's bods!! wow !

i must find a good reason to do it do it do it... train some abs or at least loose my love handles!
so maybe i need to have more pple telling me that I"M FAT!!
my face is always the deception - pple always say, eh u slimmed down. my response is always, ya only on my face!

CONGRATULATIONS for conquering KK ! just knew u can. the feeling up there must be. WHOAH!
just like when i was at great wall.
"nothing beats this view" - n i do feel this gush (goose pimples actuallie) and felt soooo fortunate to be alive!

miss you my dear